All the while, we are told that good men are hard to find. And people who define themselves by a man. You are a whole woman, right now, in the family you head, right this minute. No one deserves to be punished in perpetuity for having a baby in less than ideal circumstances — including by yourself. For the record, almost half of pregnancies are not intended. Which is pretty astonishing considering that we all know how babies are made, and women are only fertile a couple days each month.

You will not have to spend hours chatting with her. Do you like some sports, hanging out with friends, or reading some books with a glass of wine? In most cases, you will not feel any limits in that. Even though the stats in different regions may differ, there are some rules to dating a single mother.

Her ex shouldn’t be a big topic of discussion when you’re together. This is often a sign that she isn’t over her ex yet. Alternatively, it might mean that she’s trying to play games with you. Regardless, it’s a big sign that she isn’t ready to be with you.

See how comfortable your date is with children.

As a woman, you deserve to be loved and appreciated in a romantic relationship. As a mom, it is part of your job to model healthy relationships for your children. Dating is a natural step in life that should be approached with caution and optimism. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dating as a single parent.

If she seems resistant to answer questions about her ex, it’s actually a really good sign! It means she’s trying to build something with you, and only you. “If she doesn’t respond straight away, is a little short, or accidentally calls you her ‘little soldier,’ you need to understand she’s spinning many plates and not give her a hard time,” Good says.

But also that there is more to her than just the kids.

I’ve had some people tell me I was “selfish” and “unreasonable” to refuse to date someone based on parenthood status alone. Some people said that I was a downright horrible person for this decision. Selena Morales, the mom to a 2-year-old son, firmly believes people should be open about having children when dating. People without kids might not understand this too well.

Don’t rush into becoming a parental figure, moving in together, or getting engaged. Instead, take it slow and focus on developing trust before you take your relationship to the next level. “Even a beautiful dinner out, where she doesn’t have to force-feed a small person broccoli or do the washing-up, would be perfect,” Good adds.

He Doesn’t Want to Risk Becoming Emotionally Attached to the Kids

“Newly divorced and single moms and dads do have to be kind to themselves and allow for less structure, but you can’t let it all go and turn into a roommate instead of a parent,” says Neuman. As a single mom I did everything I could to scrape by, I was still trying to establish child support so I was completely on my own with twins full time. My finances weren’t really a mess per se, but there wasn’t a lot left for extras or for me. I shopped at aldi, re-sale shops for the kids clothes etc. So, if a guy did want to take me out to dinner then yeah, he had to pay, it wasn’t in my budget.

You might hope it’ll turn into something more, but don’t get your kids wrapped up in that until it happens. Once you’ve been steadily dating someone for at least three months, and you feel he has staying power, you can consider mysinglefriend com introducing him to your child, says McKenna. Arrange for him to join you at the bowling alley or at your picnic in the park so he doesn’t feel like it’s all about him. And if it doesn’t go well, he can make a graceful exit.

Things to consider when dating a single mom

I’m a party animal, and most of the parties I go to aren’t doable with kids in the picture. If I had to give them up because I was dating a single dador a single mom, I’d end up resenting the single parent and the kid because they upended the life I love living. On average, it’ll take about $1,100 per month to keep a kid alive up until 18. As bad as it sounds, I can’t afford to contribute on that level, nor would I want to. Most single parents I met will expect their partners to contribute to the household, and that means they’ll expect money to go to their kids. Sadly, that’s not often a good investment.

“If she has toddlers and promises to call after the kids are asleep and doesn’t, she might very well have fallen asleep,” Lillibridge points out. St. John said she didn’t introduce her own kids to men until she was confident he was “safe,” and they’d been together long enough for her to know things were getting serious. Don’t worry about “scaring off” a potential love with the fact that you’re a mom. St. John says the k-word makes for a great filter, because you won’t get attached to someone who doesn’t like or want kids.